Oh, you who claim to be my "friends", I advise you to reconsider!
I AM LORD CHEESEMAN!!! I AM THE DOMINATOR OF ALL!!!!!!
I do not need your friendship!! I desire instead your sworn loyalty! Mwahahaha!!!! Still, should you desire to continue basking in the radiant light of my glory, I shall oblige. I am, after all, a magnanimous dominator.
Quickly approaching is the feast of the one they call Valentine. Perhaps I shall employ this tradition to my own means.