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08:51am 05/08/2006
  ATTN: Dark Lord

I have received word that one of your nemeses, Random, has left your territory. Please report ASAP regarding your situation and what changes must be made to our plans due to this adjustment.
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11:04pm 18/07/2006
mood: angry
You scored as The BTA. You are the BTA! We think we hate you. But you can be endearing. A bold soul with a constant cloak of flame, you challenge the Dark Lord, Cheeseman, and USG with your Harvard undergrad and medieval Latin, but no one's really sure which side, if any, you're ultimately on. Whatever side it is, though, it's an *evil* side to be sure.




Lord Cheeseman




Governor Taft


The Dark Lord


The MiT


Which ACRONYM villain are you?
created with QuizFarm.com


Minions, I demand that you attack at once!!!
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04:38pm 22/08/2005
mood: devious
Attention, future slaves:

I feel it only proper to warn you now that with the approach of AU05, your doom is nearly upon you. You may commence panicked rioting and obsequious pleading at your discretion.

And to my loyal minions:

I hope you've all had a wonderful summer riddled to the core with evil in its most putrid form. Enjoy your last moments of rest and gather all your strength. The approaching Conquest Season is nearly upon us. Be ready.
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04:28pm 13/04/2005
  cflatpiccolotpt! Too long you have not reported! Tell me how fares The Plan!!!!  
09:10pm 08/02/2005
mood: Staunchly independent!!!!!
I have been informed that I now have "friends".

Oh, you who claim to be my "friends", I advise you to reconsider!


I do not need your friendship!! I desire instead your sworn loyalty! Mwahahaha!!!! Still, should you desire to continue basking in the radiant light of my glory, I shall oblige. I am, after all, a magnanimous dominator.

Quickly approaching is the feast of the one they call Valentine. Perhaps I shall employ this tradition to my own means.
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11:57pm 27/11/2004
mood: accomplished
And now - I gift you with the results of my latest quiz! Bow before my intellectual glory!!!!

killing is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
11:51pm 27/11/2004
mood: satisfied
Time has been lost - I have not updated my livejournal! Why, you ask, oh future peons? Simple! I've not been home!

No - I have been making my rounds. In general, the minions are doing very well. Throughout the world, my masters of darkness (slaves to me, masters to you lesser bipeds) have been making good use of the approaching holiday season to spread darkness and anger! They drive aggressively, they crowd, they push through lines in department stores, and they say "Happy holidays!" to Salvation Army bell-ringers without making donations! Mwahaha! And each adds his own special powers to the scene - truly heart-freezing to watch.

During the holidays, even the worst of minions may gain favorable points. My approval and mercy is my gift to them. Go, Minions. Go forth and Minionate.
Ashcroft, recalled   
10:23pm 10/11/2004
  So - Ashcroft, one of my older minions, has been recalled. Really, he was just starting to annoy me. You can't be a useful evil minion if people catch on that you're an evil incarnate. He blew his cover. People were noting his evil.

As punishment, when he returned to Mt. Cheeseman to receive my verdict, I sent him to the basement to be the first live test subjects for the cats.

I can hear the screams as I type.

Should he survive, I'll probably find some new use for him, mucking around in the American Government . . .
And now, a quiz!   
08:37pm 08/11/2004
I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.
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Victory is MINE!   
08:34pm 08/11/2004
I just wish to inform the masses that I, Lord Cheeseman, Dominator Supreme, have just kicked Ralph Nader's sorry bulbous buttocks at Ping Pong.
Mechant earns a point   
09:39am 08/11/2004
mood: gleefully satisfied
One of my french minions, Guy de Mechant, surprised me today with 17 truckloads of coconut oil.


That is how you're supposed to act!!!!!
I hate Sundays.   
10:29pm 07/11/2004
mood: slothful and gluttonous
The cats are performing admirably.

The Dark Lord reported in today and seemed astonished by my comment regarding his Minion-in-Training's behavior last night. He admitted that the MiT has been growing restless lately - the child is apparently growing increasingly perturbed with regard to his "in Training" status. Youth. How eagerly he yearns to throw away his freedom!

The Dark Lord presented me with two options: either I allow him to slow-roast Gov. Taft over a bonfire built of Pachelbel scores, or I drive a stake through his head promptly. Alas - no dominator like myself is ever fully prepared to handle warring minions. Both options held a particular appeal, but I was forced to decline, give him a tissue, and put "Casablanca" on my television. Really - the Dark Lord is quite the softy for that movie. It's a shame he let's Gov. Taft get him so upset - he's really one of my better minions . . . even if he is a moron.
10:00am 07/11/2004
  Last night I received a prank call from the Dark Lord's MiT. He was apparently deliriously drunk - something about being "Bowl Elegible". I would be annoyed; however, the hatted one is quite amusing when plastered. He called me and sang a rousing rendition of a fascinating song regarding a "gangbang". Apparently, he has a love of agriculture of which I was unaware, for he kept inserting the phrase "bail of hay" where I don't think it was supposed to go. He is young and still requires restraint, but will someday make a fine minion.  
Lost - one minion, one MiT, and an island nation   
10:47pm 04/11/2004
mood: artistic
I learned today that one of my minions, King Tournyp of the island nation of Skidamarink, had cracked his rather large head while playing pingpong against his MiT, Josh. Ah, young Josh. A fine minion he might have someday made. Sadly, after receiving this injury, KT declared himself lactose intolerant and went on a violent rampage, expelling any and all dairy products from his island nation.

So I destroyed him.

I arrived in a blaze of odious glory! At my presence, destructive forces began rising - by the time I left, the entire island was obliterated. I destroyed it so well that people will probably not even remember that the great island nation of Skidamarink ever existed! Such is my power!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

Unfortunately, the loss of this island nation under my thumb seriously shortens my supply of coconut oil. I must secure a new source of said oil . . . or disaster beyond your wildest imagination may occur.

That said, I completed today my papier mache replica of Al Gore. Tomorrow I shall paint. Behold the artistic side of your future lord and master! Behold it and shiver - and shiver not from a slight draft or lack of a sweater! Shiver with fear!!!!
The cats have arrived!!!!   
02:57pm 04/11/2004
  Interesting setback. I shall report later.  
Evil has landed, morons!   
09:55pm 03/11/2004
mood: Extravagently Evil
Greetings, future underlings! I now make known to you my innermost thoughts and emotions! It is a great gift. Grovel to demonstrate your gratefulness. Or I will kill you.

This morning, I stood on my balcony overlooking the icy slopes of Mt. Cheeseman. Mine is truly a marvelous base of operations. When this mountain is the capitol of all the world, all shall witness this beauty and grovel . . . or be struck down. By my wrath. Hah!

My minions are in a bit of a tissy concerning some silly local political feud. Foolish American Minions - why do they not realize that their petty position of President has no importance? Soon their country shall be ruled by me! Mwahaha! However, their bickering is disruptive to their productivity. I hope they calm down soon and report in with their latest shenanigans on my behalf. Otherwise I shall destroy them. With my wrath.

Now - I release you to do my bidding!